3.30 gigantic

your leg quakes under the table
impatience, the itch against the slowing time
there were years in between
of calm legs
but now you are older
and then you were younger
and in the middle when you weren't looking
poles shifted.

you look now at that paper flesh
the age spots on the back of the very same hands
---you feared those hands, nosferatu huge
slapped you submissive
became fanged as they belted you
you look now into those rheumy eyes
the ones that froze you into corners
the mouth slack,a tunnel with no light
yawning now for death
how could you have sucked the epithetic word
into your marrow from it?

a question holds in the air as dust
in a ray of light slit through venetian blinds
as tubes and machines wheeze
can you let the past that made you
the blush of slap and stings of disappointments
the salt rejections of tears sucked by pores
can you release it?
let it shush to nurse's shoes
and spin of iv wheel?
make it form the shape of biohazard symbol
handled by latex for discard
would it make you clean as sterile
new?

you pinch yourself to remember
how small you were, a teething thing
and now---now you have grown into your eyes
and yet your leg
shakes with impatience, urge to run
captive
just the same
and they---they were so
gigantic